My group wrote a twisted fairytale for Engligh. (Translation: Noble Shao Xun slaved over a writing assigmment and got no help from his friends and it turned out to rock.) Anyway, I can't help giving you guys a treat:~
Cinderella
Once upon a time, in a mystical place called New York, there lived a girl called Ella. Her real name was Cinderella but she changed it to sound more sophisticated. This, of course, turned out to be a failure—much like her entire life in general.
She lived with her evil, despicable, detestable, loathsome stepmother and her stepsisters. Her stepmother had an equally evil, despicable, detestable name—MARTHA STEWART. Her stepsisters, Britney and Paris, were horribly ugly pop princess wannabes who go for Botox and plastic surgery weekly to soothe their insecurities. At the ripe old age of 17, they were still considering whether they should give up on Barbies. Martha, like all stereotypical stepmothers, treated Britney and Paris like royalty and Ella like shit. Britney and Paris, like all stereotypical stepsisters, were of the same age as Ella and so there was a healthy, stereotypical amount of sibling rivalry. And so, playing the role of the stereotypically downtrodden outsider, Ella did all of the housework. She never gets to play MapleStory, never gets to IM and to do other things that other girls can.
Orphan or not, no one could escape the sadistic grasp of the education system and Ella was no exception. This also means that the torturous ordeal known to many as “prom” was inescapable. As Ella is deprived of her rights as a materialistic teen to buy clothes with a rabid madness, her closet was as empty as her stepsisters’ heads. As Ella fretted over her lack of fashionable clothes, a lady appeared suddenly by her side. She looked like she was in her twenties and was wearing a blouse from GAP, jeans from Levi’s, heels from Prada and carrying a Gucci handbag. She was also drop-dead gorgeous and this made the envious Ella hate her guts.
“The ultimate fashionista!” thought Ella.
“Hello, young one. I see that you are in a hopeless fashion-deprived position. So, as magical queen of all fashionistas, I’m here to help you make you so beautiful, your stepsisters will bleed envy,” said the Queen.
With a wave of her magic wand (Dior), a silky, black evening gown, a pair of diamond-encrusted heels (Prada) and a set of make-up accessories (Louis Vuitton) appeared in her closet.
“On the day of the prom, wear these. A limo with a hybrid engine (cool/not cool, Ella couldn’t make up her mind) will be waiting for you at your doorstep.”
The Queen went on to warn Ella about the stereotypical midnight rule.
“Hey, that’s my curfew time,” said Ella.
“Whatever,” said the Queen with the air of the Effortlessly Popular, as she disappeared in a cloud of pink smoke.
The day of the prom slowly crept closer. During these days, Britney and Paris went for twice as many plastic surgeries. Ella was their personal slave; helping them wash and iron their newly bought clothes.
On the day of the prom, Ella’s house was pandemonium:
“Oops, I did it again!” said Britney as she smudged her make-up once more.
“Out, out OUT!!” screamed Martha “Go with your pathetic dates and get OUT!!”
As Britney and Paris scampered out to, Ella scurried to her room, got ready and went to her doorstep. Indeed, there was Mercedes limo waiting for her. She got it and raided the mini-bar on the way to her school.
The prom was being held in the school gym. As Ella strutted through the crowd, heads turned. But no one could recognize amid the psychedelic Technicolour strobe lights. There was, of course, the usual assorted set of dateless misfits. But surprisingly, the school jock-hunk, Jerian, was also without romantic companionship.
“There’s my target,” thought Ella as she strode confidently towards him.
They performed the obligatory small talk and then went to the dance floor.
It turned out that Jerian had two left feet. The whole school gaped as he fumbled around like an over-caffeinated headless chicken. Ella, embarrassed by the incompetence of her dance partner, gave him a tight slap right across the cheek. As Jerian limped, defeated and embarrassed, to the toilet (some say he had humiliation-induced constipation), school dork Hong Kai emerged from the crowd. The thing was, he didn’t look dorky at all. He was DROP-DEAD DEVILISHLY HANDSOME. Of course, Ella got to dance with him. They danced through chart-topping theme songs from various respected artists such as Barney, Sesame Street, Bob the Builder, Happy Tree Friends, Pokemon, Powerpuff Girls, Teen Titans, Strawberry Shortcake, Clifford the Big Red Dog, Thomas the Toy Train and Postman Pat.
And so because of the unbelievably mature songs, Ella stereotypically forgot about the stereotypical 12 midnight rule. All of a sudden, her eyeliner disappeared. Ella glanced at her watch. (Rolex) The second hand was fast approaching 12!! Running as fast as only a girl fearing public humiliation could, Ella dashed towards the exit. And yes, she left a Prada high-heel behind. It was picked up by a talent scout. He was there to scout for talent. Duh. The shoe said “Property of the Queen of all fashionistas, currently loaned to fashion misfit Ella”. There was also a suspiciously convenient sticker with Ella’s address on it.
The next day, Ella received a call from the talent scout. He was impressed by Ella’s dancing and wanted her to join a pop group called SH(Ella). And the rest is history. (She dumped Hong Kai after realizing what a bad kisser he was.)(Britney shaved her head it a fit of self-hatred and therefore looks like a combination of Desmond and Zihao)
There are quite a few pop-culture references. Got them all?
